How Did I Let That Happen?

Did someone, somewhere in your organization, acting alone or in collaboration with others, let you down today—by failing to deliver on your expectations?  Was it a direct report or a team member? Someone in another department or division? An outside vendor or supplier? What about your boss or a peer? How did you feel? Did you ask yourself or others the question “How did that happen?”

It should come as no surprise that asking the ques­tion, “How did that happen?” rarely stimulates any meaningful conversation. Why? Because the question is too narrowly focused on what went wrong—something that fell through the cracks, an expectation that was not fulfilled, results that went undelivered, assignments that got ignored, opportunities that were lost, the list goes on—and who let it happen. Understanding what went wrong in any situation is certainly important, but this question usually places too much emphasis on those who fail to deliver while shedding little, if any, light on what you could have done to keep things on track. That’s why we suggest asking a broader, more meaningful question when you feel that people have let you down: “How did I let that happen?”

Adding the words “I let” make a huge difference. First, adding “I” to the question shifts the focus from what others didn’t do to what you could have done and can still do to improve the situation. When you ask, “How did that happen?” you remove yourself from the picture—acting as if you had nothing whatso­ever to do with what went wrong. When you ask, “How did I let that happen?” you include yourself in the expectations chain and accept your accountability for getting things done through others. Here are just a few of the powerful payoffs when you do:

-Creates more positive relationships where people feel that you deal fairly with them and acknowledge the whole story and not just the part that emphasizes what they did or did not do.
-Helps you learn from your experiences when things go wrong because you no longer attribute the reasons for failure solely to someone else.
-Gets the process of fulfilling expectations back on track because you are willing to look objectively at “what else” you can do to ensure the outcome now and in the future.
-Develops a culture where everyone on the team can follow your example and become part of the solution, not just part of the problem.
-Establishes a positive work environment where people give their best effort because they feel motivated by principles that feel right and fair.

By adding two simple words “I let” to the question “How did that happen,” you can transform the way you look at prob­lems and mistakes. This doesn’t mean you should stop examining what others have done when your expectations go unmet. Examine everything—including how well you hold others accountable.  It’s the only way you’ll be able to improve your ability to help others fulfill your expecta­tions.