Helping A Friend Get Above The Line

How do you help friends or family members when they get stuck Below The Line on an issue or problem, situation or relationship, without offending them or coming across as preachy?

We suggest you begin by asking a simple, yet focused, non-threatening question: “Why aren’t you making the progress (or improvement) you really want to make on this issue?” An alternative question would be “What aren’t you achieving the benefits (or growth) you really want to achieve in this situation? Listen for their perceived obstacles, stumbling blocks, barriers, and impediments. Encourage them to talk openly and honestly about how they perceive their circumstances. You may need to further enable them by asking: “What else is getting in the way of making improvement or achieving growth?” When they have had sufficient opportunity to identify and describe their perceived obstacles or barriers, ask one of the following questions:

Allow the conversation to proceed naturally to a discussion of solutions (this may require multiple conversations). What you’re trying to do is help them take ownership for at least one of their perceived obstacles, so they can start sincerely asking the question: “What else can I do to influence the obstacles and barriers that are hindering my progress” (and resolution of the issue or problem; improvement in the situation or relationship). Be patient but persistent. Offer your assistance, as appropriate and feasible, but don’t try to resolve things for them. Of course, you will want to follow-up to see how things are going.

To learn more about helping others to take greater accountability and ownership, join the Accountability Community at www.partnersinleadership.com, where you can review the accounts of individuals that have actually done it.

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